in my next life...

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I am going to have a sister. Or a mom. Or Maybe both.
For 32 years I have had a story...and that's really all it has been...a story - The story goes like this...a couple of weeks before I turned 3, my mother was involved in a one car roll over and died. I never knew my father...if she did - she didn't leave any clues for me. My family never talked about my mom - except on the rare occasion they'd mention 'Debby' - which was pretty much next to never.

I found out my story entirely by accident ~ and it was what it was and it is what it is...

The thing is - I never cared...I knew who I was without knowing who 'they' were - I had two parents who loved me and cared for me. My bio mom's parents took me in and raised me as their own. I had food and shelter. We went to church every Sunday. I had friends. Not just good friends. Great friends. Friends who are still my friends today, 30 years later. I really did have anything I could have ever really asked for. I can't remember wanting something very badly that I didn't already have...well, except a sibling...

Growing up in a small town was pretty awesome - of course, I most likely didn't think that all of the time - although I think I really did most of the time...I had a great group of friends - I loved going out with them, going to sporting events, parties, etc...
I was who I was...I am who I am...

But now - 32 years later - I am finally realizing the lasting effects that my story has had on my life. My overwhelming busy little life. I try very hard not to over schedule myself or our family - spending time together doing nothing is just as important as scheduling time doing something. I hope to always keep it like that - but even with 'nothing' going on...the truth is - we have too much going on a lot of days.

There's work and daycare, there's my Tastefully Simple business and the hub's softball teams. There's volunteering for causes close to my heart. There are swimming lessons and dance classes. Someday soon there will be tball, soccer, and/or hockey. They may want to be girl or boy scouts...
We have friends who we don't see nearly as often as we wish we could...and then there's us.

The hubs and I rarely get time for us these days. We spend a good many days doing the divide and conquer thing. Each day we start 100 different conversations only to be interrupted by someone or something that needs our attention right this minute...Typically he's fast asleep for a good hour or more before I make it that far, and then I lie in bed at night thinking of the talks we started that went unfinished...email seems to be our most effective way to communicate a lot of days! Oh, and yes, I know I am lucky - I am blessed beyond measure - because we DO have tomorrow - at least we think we do...and we hope we do - and I say it often - there's always tomorrow - even though I know that's not promised to anyone.

What does this have to do with the story of me? I find myself wishing so very much for family that was close by that could offer me an hour of reprieve. Someone to take the kids to the park while I have a meal that is actually warm with the man I married for better or for worse.
Next week is the Minnesota Wild Home Opener...The hubs and I have been going to games together since the first year we started dating...While it's true we don't get to many games together anymore - we almost always hit the home opener...except that one time...(the Bosco vs. Chandra incident...)and now...Now we are going to try and sell off the home opener because the hubs doesn't want to bring the kids to the game and we don't have a sitter.

It's a 'school night' which makes getting a sitter a real pain in the ass - And while I know that having a mother or sister might not solve all of my problems - I can't help but be jealous of those who do have this 'luxury' - Bringing our kids to Grandma's house for a visit so we could go out? Or Grandma coming over to our house and bunking in with the kids or in our guest room?

Or, ::GASP:: what if the kids could have a sleep over with their grandma or my sister and the hubs and I could sleep in the same bed at the same time, for longer than an hour, before a little person was standing over us begging to climb in with us? What if we could lie under the covers all night - without having to get up to strip the bedding because someone forgot to go potty before they DID crawl into bed with us...?

I know. I know.
I'm blessed...But I can't help but wonder how much more rich my life would be - if Charles Kippen had chosen NOT to drive drunk that night in October of 1977.

In my next life...

4 comments:

Thoughts, Past, Present and Future said...

Hi Darcie,
I just read your story and it makes me pause to think. It may be that your birth mother and I are about the same age. My girls were 7 and 2 when their father died (by suicide) and I made the decision to be totally honest with them about the circumstances of his death.

I've always tried to let them know that he loved them but was sick. It breaks my heart that they never had that 'daddy' love that every girl craves from their father.

I've learned to deal with it, mostly. I have my moments. If I may be so bold, I think your mother would be so proud of you for the mother you are.

You an amazing young lady.

Gale Peterson

Kim said...

Darcie, I know some of what you feel, though I lost my mother much later in life. My husband's mom is also gone, and though we have family close, we still look at one another and say "This would be so much easier if their Grandmas were here."

But, I do know some sitters in Savage (albeit pricey and in high demand) so if you are still looking for a regular sitter, let me know, I can get you some info.

ryanandjoesmom said...

What night is it? If it's not Thursday I can help you out. Just give me a call! And if it doesn't work this time, you know where to find me. All you have to do is ask!

Unknown said...

Darcie,

I've been following your blog for a few months, but am just now catching up on your story and your Mom. WOW! I feel like I know so much more about you now, in addition to the Woman and Mom you are now.

The pictures of you and your Mom are awesome - thank GOD they saved those for you. You can tell she's really in love with you! It is hard to imagine our kiddos not remembering us if something were to happen now. I think of Emilie, whose children will likely not have any organic memories of her... but they have oodles and oodles of pictures and writing and they will come to know her that way.

It is strange your parents/grandparents never just told you the truth. Like finding out you were adopted later in life, surreal!

Anyhow... regarding the WILD - we have only one real babysitter we trust b/c of Avery's food allergies - and that's my MIL. She lives far 40 minutes away and we have to book her far in advance. Those tickets we bought from you for Dec? Already booked her so we could go.

I feel your pain. I'm also willing to be on your list - if you want to drop your kids off here once in a blue moon on your way to the game. I think it might be incredibly out of the way, but if you are desperate enough, you might take me up on it! :)

Thanks for sharing the story about you and your Mom.

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