Happy Mother's Day ~

Saturday, May 9, 2009

So it's Mother's Day - A day I approach with mixed emotion.

It's another one of those 'Hallmark Holidays' and I am so not into Hallmark Holidays. I think we should appreciate those around us ALL of the time, ESPECIALLY on their birthdays, but on days like Valetine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day...well, you get the idea.
Seems a little, um...dumb?

I LOOVE my kids. I LOOOOVE being a mom. It's the best job I've EVER had - it's also the toughest. For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a mom. I've always wanted a small army of kids.
Well, some days my kids FEEL like an army ~ HA!

People that I am in touch with that I haven't been in quite some time always say things to me like - "oh I bet you are a GREAT mom! You've always been so great with kids!"

Yeah, OTHER people's kids!
I am soo not the mother that I thought I'd be when I 'envisioned' my life way back when. I am less patient, less 'perfect' than I thought I'd be. I had all of these ideas of what would work and what wouldn't. I'm trying, really I am. Some days are just so ~ hard?
I have a hard time finding a balance between working an almost full time job, taking care of my family and finding time for me, among other things. There's nothing more I can cut out yet I sometimes feel like I'm doing a half assed job of all of them - so what's going to give?
Our kids aren't the greatest of sleepers and we don't have the luxury option of dropping our kids off with Grandma for the hubs and I to catch our breathe. Ever try holding a conversation with your partner with a three and a half and a two and a half year old in each ear? ;)
Again, don't get me wrong - I know we're blessed...we are. So many people I know would do anything to hold their own babies in their arms, hear them whisper in their ears or yell out for them during the night. My heart breaks for those friends and for the friends I have not yet met.
That's the reason I keep plugging away and trying to do the best that I can. My kids don't see my imperfections. They know that they are loved beyond measure. I guess that's the most important thing. That our kids know that I'm doing the best that I can. To them, it seems to be more than enough - for now. They don't see the dog hair on the carpet or the hardwood floors, the laundry piled up, the dishes in the sink. They don't know that I need all of the toys to go back to their respective homes at the end of every day. They don't know that I haven't gotten all the birthday cards mailed on time, the groceries purchased before the sale was over, or that I didn't get out and take a run that day and should have because I can't fit into my skinny jeans. They know that they are loved and that...that is all that matters.

You may or may not remember The Story of Me ~ but I know that being 'shorted' in the mom department 32 years ago has a direct impact on the me of today.
I LOOOVED my 'mom' growing up - Biologically she was my grandma but she did a great job with me - especially having already raised her own 5 kids before getting me! It's just not the same when your 'mom' is 40 years older than you are! I hope I can be to Hails what I missed out on...

Talking her through the crazy relationships that life throws her way, going on trips with her, her wedding...being near when she has her babies, helping her figure out the motherhood thing...
Grandma did the best she could but the bottom line is that even though it's just a story to me and I have no recollection of life being any other way - I was shorted.

Grandma Mom gave me the articles I had asked for - you can see the shape they are in 32 years later being taped into one of those God-forsaken Funeral Home books for all of these years...but the important thing is that I have them now - I know these aren't the best quality and I think I'll play around with them on the copy machine and see if I can get some better quality - for now - I think you can click on the pictures to make them bigger but at least they are documented to go along with The Story of Me...

So for all of you who have held your babies in the past, or who can hold them right now or will be holding them in the future - Happy Mother's Day!!

Nice how this one is titled 'mishap' ~

The obituary is laminated from the funeral home and isn't scanning well ~


Kate said...

I think that knowing they are loved is the most important thing. I really didn't think that my mom liked me at all when I was growing up and that has had a permanent affect on our relationship. We're all just doing the best that we can, you know?

ali said...

(just catching up. sorry!)

your kids are very loved & that is obvious!! and i totally agree that that's the most important thing. we're all just doing our best, and sometimes it feels like we're barely treading water. but when you stop being so hard on yourself, i think you realize that you're doing better than treading. your kids are happy, healthy, & loved. what more could you ask for?!

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