Only the Good...

Ten years ago...

Rob and I moved into this house...We had a 5 year ARM, thinking we'd be here 3, maybe 5 years tops...

Ten years people...
Ten years we are still here...
This is why...

You see this group of people here??

This is a group photo of AMAZING neighbor friends during an annual tradition...

Seriously...

The neighbors make the house...

They do...
I'm telling you.

And when you don't have family in town...the friends that you have become your family. Especially when your friends live just steps away from you...

The other day, my cell phone rang while I was at work...

Monday morning...and I see a neighbor pop up on my caller ID.

Well, this is bad news...
Yep, I immediately thought that.

The neighbors that were calling have a parent with some health issues and I was sure that that was it.

'I have some bad news'

I figured you did.
It's not what you are thinking...
um, ok...So I'm thinking to myself...
Did my house burn down? Seriously...that's what I thought...
Gary collapsed at work this morning and he didn't make it. He died this morning.

Gary.

Our 51 year old friend & neighbor.

Strong as an ox.
Stubborn as a mule.
As gentle as they come...
Fifty. One.

Here's a picture of Gary holding our baby girl at 4 days old...about 4 minutes after we brought her home from the NICU.

He loved kids...

and meant the world to ours.

Always horsing around...acting the part of the crazy uncle or grandpa, family our kids don't have around these here parts...

Gary took D on his first ever quad ride...

Derek loved to ride the quad with Gary...around the cul de sac, through the back yards...as fast as they dared to go...up and down curbs...

What every little (and big!) boy dreams of No?

 Hails was the flower girl for a Kubal family wedding two years ago...What fun they had!

Each year on Halloween - we gather in our cul de sac and light a bonfire (one of several throughout the year) we take the kids around the neighborhood trick or treating, & we pass out candy from all the houses right there in the middle of the cul de sac...

Every year, it's cold...the kids snuggle up with...guess who...

Gary.

This picture was taken earlier this summer...

Gary & Derek sharing a plate of veggies at the neighborhood grad party...

I have so many random pictures from random events...

I'm sure glad I do!

Sometimes people make fun of me for always carrying around a camera...

(of course, now, our phones do most of this for us too...)

But just look at this little video snippet I found of Gary entertaining the kiddos...

And of course, the dog biscuit fondue...aye aye aye!

I wonder how long it will take until the loss of this man really sinks in.

The kids are really struggling with it...

Even though my mom, their grandma, passed away exactly one year ago...we only saw her a couple of times a year...We talked on the phone near daily...but

This is the loss of someone they saw all the time...someone who was a regular fixture in their everyday lives...

They've been asking crazy questions like...

"Is my Dad gone foreva?" when he's just gone to work...

or saying things like 'What if that was my last chance to cuddle Daddy?' or 'I don't want to go to Daddy's softball game cuz Gary won't be there to pop my popcorn bag'

oh how Hailey loved to have Gary pop her empty popcorn bag at the softball games! HA!
The things their little hearts and minds must have weighing on them...
ugh.

I regret that I never told Gary just how very much he meant to our family, to our kiddos...but I pray that he might have known anyway.
And I pray that his family will find the comfort and the peace they need to move forward in the days and weeks ahead...

Rest in Peace Gary.

Rest in Peace.

The little things...

I found in our mailbox, a small package - addressed to me...

oh how I love this time of year! Christmas cards, letters, photos - SO so awesome!

But inside this package - was a small little box, and an even smaller little card -

And inside that little box?
An Angel ~

A simple, glittery, cardboard angel ~
And a note...

Sent by who else? Someone that could only be described as an Angel here on Earth.
Seriously.
I opened it.
I cried.
I'm doing that a lot these days...
This month has been much harder than I thought it would be...

But this little glittery Angel? And this note that contained less than 2 dozen words?

Heaven Sent.

Thank you my dear sweet friend.

My Angel here on Earth.

You have NO. IDEA. how much this gesture of friendship means to me.

xoox

Haunted...

It's been two months ago today since my mom passed away.

Two very short, very long months.
While I know this is no where near a fair amount of time for healing or getting over it or not feeling sorry for myself...
I find I'm very angry for not seeing...not knowing...not doing...

I thought I had more time...
"Six months - maybe a year"
Since when does seven weeks fall in that time frame?

What the hell was I doing back at work when I should have been at my mom's side? I was going to take a leave of absence from my job...I was going to be there...

Did she know how very little time she had left?
Was she protecting me? Was she protecting herself?

On a warm, sunny Saturday in July I played bingo with my mom and her new friends...we laughed, we joked, we smiled...We took a walk outside and enjoyed the sunshine.

We discussed plans for Christmas...She had a list of things she wanted me to help her get...

I felt good about how she was doing...I felt ok saying 'goodbye' - Goodbye for THAT WEEKEND...not forever!!

The next time I saw her...she would be all but unresponsive.

I had raced to her bedside, as 'racing' as one can get from four hours away...

Her breathing: shallow.

Each breathe I was certain had been the last.

"I'm here Mom. We're all here. I'm the last one to arrive...but we are all here...Our families are all here. It's ok. We're going to be ok. Dad's waiting for you...It's ok Mom...I'm ok. It's ok. I love you."

She barely managed a whisper - "I love you too."
It was the last time that I would hear her voice.

For the next 3.5 days...I held her hand.

I stroked her head.

I spoke to her.
I sang her songs.

Songs from my childhood...
Songs we sang together, side by side in church every Sunday for 20 something odd years...

"Here I Am Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard you, calling in the night...I will go Lord, if you lead me...I will hold your people in my heart."

"And He will raise you up on Eagle's Wings, bear you on the breathe of dawn, make you to shine like the sun...and hold you, hold you in the palm of his hands..."

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now I see."

When I would sing...she would nod her head yes...

Yes as in...Yes, I can hear you?

Yes...I'm going home now?

Yes...Yes what?

YES WHAT DAMMIT!?!

Did she know she was so close?

Had she known that day that we spent hours together playing bingo, coloring pictures, chatting, laughing?

I should have been there.

I would have been there.

I could have been there.

I thought I had more time.

Today is a gift...What will you do with more time?